Are you going to keep your name after marriage?

What's in a name – a lot if it's yours.

Are you going to keep your name after marriage – or do you just hate the idea?

This may not seem a big deal when you're in the midst of planning the Big Day, but it bears some thought: are you going to take your man's name or keep your own?

For some people this actually is important – whichever way they fall. Some women, for instance would never dream of changing the name they've lived with all their life so far, especially if they're staunch feminists.

However, there can be reasons to go the other way. Supposing you've been stuck with a stinker of a surname? We know of one woman who married a man with a really stinky surname (We won't tell you what it was because it wouldn't be fair). Not surprisingly, she decided to stick with her more ordinary surname – and so did the kids. She, or they, decided not to inflict a stinker of a surname on them. Dad probably has some very painful school memories.

Which brings us to children and the long, long surnames they could end up with. Of course, the double-barrelled name can be okay, especially if you've got two names that work well together. Even if they don't, it's worth knowing that not all cultures insist on the bride changing her name.

Spain is a very conservative country, but women there don't change their surname on marriage and children take both parents' surnames. Which one they use is not an issue either despite this being a very macho country – think bull-fights and you'll get the literally red-blooded picture.

A young Spanish man we knew used to use his Mum's surname because his Dad's was the Spanish equivalent of Smith – Rodriguez. His Mum's was the much classier Gilabert.

Wedding Cafe NZ has an open mind on this one. We think you should go with what you feel and if you do have a stinker of surname there's no reason not to change it. And if his is the weird name, why make a change for the worse? Foreign names can be difficult in New Zealand too, especially if the spelling or pronunciation are hard for Kiwis. They can be fine in their country of origin but sound weird here. Trouble is it's your culture – or his – and a lot pride can be tied up with a name.

What's in a name – a lot it seems?

What do you think? Send us your comments.